Well being that my sordid love life continually hits me in my face more than a Ron Jeremy money shot, I jus decided to go over the eX's and hO's of love overall. I've been fortunate to have fairly decent girls take time to care about or get nude for/with me and thinking about how I've gotten here with them led me to reflect and discuss this awkward dance that 2 (at minimum) people who are intrigued by each other go through.
Now I wouldnt be me if I didnt go over my past and laid out my version of the eX's and hO's that occur in all relationships. Im not ashamed to say that Ive used and been used by women. Ive loved and lost and all that good prophetic stuff but at the end of it all its taught me some valuable pearls.
Brace urselves, Sex doesnt mean people are dating. I learned this one the hard way...repeatedly. Often after a sexual encounter with a girl I thought I had to make her my gf kinda like a shotgun relationship if you will and that does not necessarily need to be the case and it usually doesnt work out well. If you have a sexual partner its because you guys clearly have sex in common and although its difficult sex and emotion need to be kept as separate as possible due to dangerous explosion their combination can cause. Now I kno theres a high unliklihood people can get naked and expose themselves fully and not catch feelnigs but trust wen I say abandon that trend or jus hold off on the sex and actually get to kno the person and see if u want to get to kno them first jus due to the simple fact not all are able to have no strings attached sex (poor them). This is how many of my eX's came about personally and the aftermath is weirdest part simply because I have no idea how interactions should go when all's said and done and all the punches have been taken and all the teeth are picked up. The protocol for me has always been to try to befriend them but often the loose rules causes blurred lines so that doesnt work too well and that causes "drama" and conflicts. My advice, do wats best for u, if thats friendship give it a stab but if thats not best for her (or him for all the newage and female readers) let it burn and have a good man cry about it
Now onto the hO's. Ho is a term that has quite the negative connotation. In my sexual experience I feel as tho Ive been and can be quite the man ho and see no real qualm in it because in my mind a ho is someone who is free and in control of their sexual experience. "hO's" are ignorant to whats going on and jus loose, Im jus not limited to having sex with any 1 person or boxed in by any "traditional" ideas regarding sex. Ive decided to make my own decisions and choices and granted I can be loose but its my choice, hence my new definition of Ho. Now that isnt to say all the negative names regarding sex are suddenly outta play, if u have sex for monetary gain thats prostitution, etc etc jus wanted to make sure that it was clear that there is a difference.
Well I dun think me goin thru the eX's and hO's of relationships may have cleared anything up but it def got some stuff off my chest and at the end of the day thats the main point of the blog.... O, o u thought this was for u? (shoutout to Frank...LIN!)
@ItsJus2Easy
Now I wouldnt be me if I didnt go over my past and laid out my version of the eX's and hO's that occur in all relationships. Im not ashamed to say that Ive used and been used by women. Ive loved and lost and all that good prophetic stuff but at the end of it all its taught me some valuable pearls.
Brace urselves, Sex doesnt mean people are dating. I learned this one the hard way...repeatedly. Often after a sexual encounter with a girl I thought I had to make her my gf kinda like a shotgun relationship if you will and that does not necessarily need to be the case and it usually doesnt work out well. If you have a sexual partner its because you guys clearly have sex in common and although its difficult sex and emotion need to be kept as separate as possible due to dangerous explosion their combination can cause. Now I kno theres a high unliklihood people can get naked and expose themselves fully and not catch feelnigs but trust wen I say abandon that trend or jus hold off on the sex and actually get to kno the person and see if u want to get to kno them first jus due to the simple fact not all are able to have no strings attached sex (poor them). This is how many of my eX's came about personally and the aftermath is weirdest part simply because I have no idea how interactions should go when all's said and done and all the punches have been taken and all the teeth are picked up. The protocol for me has always been to try to befriend them but often the loose rules causes blurred lines so that doesnt work too well and that causes "drama" and conflicts. My advice, do wats best for u, if thats friendship give it a stab but if thats not best for her (or him for all the newage and female readers) let it burn and have a good man cry about it
Now onto the hO's. Ho is a term that has quite the negative connotation. In my sexual experience I feel as tho Ive been and can be quite the man ho and see no real qualm in it because in my mind a ho is someone who is free and in control of their sexual experience. "hO's" are ignorant to whats going on and jus loose, Im jus not limited to having sex with any 1 person or boxed in by any "traditional" ideas regarding sex. Ive decided to make my own decisions and choices and granted I can be loose but its my choice, hence my new definition of Ho. Now that isnt to say all the negative names regarding sex are suddenly outta play, if u have sex for monetary gain thats prostitution, etc etc jus wanted to make sure that it was clear that there is a difference.
Well I dun think me goin thru the eX's and hO's of relationships may have cleared anything up but it def got some stuff off my chest and at the end of the day thats the main point of the blog.... O, o u thought this was for u? (shoutout to Frank...LIN!)
@ItsJus2Easy
Your a better man then I. I'm one of those people who NEED an emotional connection before i can even get an erection in a chicks direction(ill - i should write for Drizzy) I was raised to put that P^$$& on a pedestal and that you need to be N'Sync before you can make that type of plunge.
ReplyDeleteAnd to this day i still believe that. Their are so many consequences with having sex(whether it be "safe" or "Free-ballin") Babies, STI's and the exposing of your self(figuratively and literally) If any of those things are to happen - I don't want to go through it with a girl i can barely stand talking to, or someone that i just don't have the same morals or values with. If any of these things happen, it'd suck but it would suck a whole lot less cause my partner and i understand each other.
So to those inquiring minds, if i lay with you. at the time i planned to stay with you ;D
*Pause* Um did you just come onto me?
ReplyDeleteUm not sure how to segway from that awkwardness yes I kno its apart of the Ho definintion and a necessary part. I respect what you do too, it takes a lot more out of someone to get to know someone and then organically get nude than it is to be like "your hot, Im hot lets get nude" but thats jus my opinion.
By reading both your comments, a part of me wishes I was black, because you can both roll cool sentences off your tongues like nothing. The I realized I can walk into a restaurant without getting kicked out..............lol I joke hahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic though, I am jelly, Jelani. You've definitely have had more women than I could dream of, and I'm sure that's not something you're too damn proud about, nor are you not. You are who you are and what you do for a relationship, is up to you. The way I go about mine are somewhat similar to yours and Wil's. I tend to move very quickly when I was younger but with age and much needed lessons, I've learned that relationships and sex should be separated. I'm not one to have spontaneous sex, and if I was given the choice, sure I would take it up. It's not something on my mind though, because I would take a relationship over that any day. I've had ex girlfriends come and go, that it really doesn't actually have any place in my heart because they were so quick. The only true relationship I had was with my recent ex, for 3 years. We were everything and no matter what I made sure she was okay with us before we stepped to the next level. At this point, I was sure of our success together and we looked to be a gem. However, life has made it's ugly head appear and showed us both that we were really in a loveless affair. We cared for the next person, but our lives were so different, that no matter what the future would be just a dream. I want to make sure that if I spend the rest of my life with someone, it better be damn right, because it's not fair for me or her that we lead a life filled with lies and dislikes. I would never be able to live with myself if my partner wasn't happy but showed face because of the amount of time we've been together. Many people suffer from that, because they've been together for x many years, they need to stay together. My sister for instance, recently broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years only to realize it was all a waste. Sure she's heartbroken, but everyone could see they had no future. Neither one knew what to do with themselves or their future plans. All I can say is for people to take caution and when they find the right person, treat them right, make sure you care before you shove your stick inside their cave. Baby juice always has a time and place but not at the beginning of the relationship.
Wow JPM no wonder ur a chef because that was a 4 course meal! O....no? Well point is yes essentially that people should do what suits them and the other person involved. Im able to have sex without strings attached so that I dun become attached and stuck with someone and if you cant for the love of God DONT! Its quite simple in my eyes/head really
ReplyDeleteyeah you just said it.
ReplyDeletethere's no one way to move. if you want and need an emotional connection with a partner before sex, so be it. if you believe sex and emotions can and should be kept separate, so be it. nothing wrong with either option. where the explosions happen is when people who have opposite beliefs start sleeping together. DANGER!
it's really all about knowing what you want/need and making sure your partner is on the same page. if, at any point, things change make sure you acknowledge that shit!!!!! if your no strings attached relationship suddenly start catching feelings, take two seconds to say "i know this was just about fun, but now i'm feeling more so we either need to change the dynamics of our relationship or stop fucking." NOT DIFFICULT. people are often just pussies and scared they're gonna lose the person or something, and so rather risk creating drama and discord in the relationship than be straight up and cut their losses if need be. seriously, grow a pair. that's how you have a grown up relationship -- i'm sure we'd all like to move past adolescence, wouldn't we?? make your life and the lives of everyone around you so much easier.
*sigh*
sorry. i'm getting amped. imma wheel back.
...
good post. *smile*
lol K_deej now its my turn to jus say cosign to YOUR post. kudos my dear
ReplyDelete