About
4-4 & a half years ago I found myself in a place most young men
would kill to be in; life of no responsibilities, wrapping up school,
rent free home with a car at my disposal that I didn't have to pay for
and a string of meaningless sex partners (I got it IN). Then, I fell for
one (despite my own advice and best efforts) and was for all intensive
purposes happy. Till I realized she wasn't the only one I fell for. This
led to months of anguish and difficulty and inner turmoil for me. Easy
answers were "jus stay with who you were already with" or "go with the
one you love most" and as much as I love an Easy answer (cheap pop)
there honestly wasn't one here. I knew each had their strengths and
weaknesses but how could I pick based off that? I wasnt comparing 2 meat
cutlets at the grocer this was the potential mother(s) of my kids! I
also know myself quite well and while I can and have surprised myself
with what I can and can't do & handle, I also knew the liklihood of
me resenting whoever I chose for causing/making me and losing the other.
So we tried to make a go of it as 2 independent relationships. I had
idealistically prayed it would work but I knew due to all the
circumstances (a lot of which I caused) and parties involved there was
less chance of that than....something equally implausible. Knowing that, I jus
enjoyed the ride for as long as I could. (What man isn't happy with 2 knives?) Hell it made me a god in the hood and I'm not gonna lie that
did feel good but it was a hollow kind of good cuz I knew it wouldn't
last and what it was based on/in.
